Love Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry*…I don’t think so!

It does not take too long into a relationship before someone gets hurts by an action or some words and an apology is in order. Now depending how he or she was raised often determines how the  person hurt handles it. Some  just stuff it while others charge in and speak their minds. More often we hear of couples who have been married for decades say they have never resolved a single issue because they have never been able to talk it through.

Over the years as coaches we have seen how couples have never learned to seek or grant forgiveness. Owning our words and actions makes all the difference when resolving differences. It can be quite freeing and have very positive results.  On the other hand, your spouse’s reaction might be very positive, or it may cause him/her to then feel free enough to tell you how much your words or actions hurt them. Hear themout. Do not match their hurt with anger and justification. Knowing their hurt will help us avoid repeating it.

Also take action if  restitution needs to be made. Assure your partner you will not do it again and ask for forgiveness.

When it is your turn to hear your spouse be quick to hear their heart and offer your forgiveness. Those who withhold forgiveness are as guilty as those who never own their actions. If your anger keeps you from resolving it quickly let your spouse know you need some time, but be determined to come to  place of resolve.

If you have an inabilty to get over anger quickly, seek out a professional. You may be living with too much stress or you may have an anger issue that needs attention. Either way take care of how you contribute to the health of your relationship. Your partner deserves the bests just as do you.

Also, once this is over, you may need to forgive yourself. Do it! Avoid carrying around guilt.

Loving your spouse means saying we’re sorry and having nothing between us that will affect the closeness of our relationship. Together decide that this will be a part of your relationship and enjoy the years ahead.

*”Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is a line from the novel and 1970 film Love Story starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal.

Fight from the Same Side: Ever noticed how easy it is to fight on the opposing side of an issue with your spouse and stay there? Being right. Being heard. Not budging becomes the goal…. not resolving the issue.

The longer we work with couples in this area of conflict resolution the more  we are encouraging couples to solve their problems from the same side. Link arms and work together. Two minds working together are far more powerful than one.

When life throws something at you decide to face the challenge together. What are your options? Write them down. Think outside the box. Some ideas might be ridiculous but still consider them.

The more often you practice working together the more satisfied you will become with your relationship. The happier you will be. You will impact the world around you by being a team.

I challenge you to think about this.

In fact, a problem is coming your way now. Make plans to succeed – get on the same side as your spouse!