Routine is the enemy of romance..when was the last time you celebrated your love with a date night? Lots of couples have settled for nights at home in front of the TV or at best have a night with girlfriends or the guys in lieu of a night out together.

We live in a hectic world that demands so much. Don’t let it  infringe on the energy and time you should give to your marriage. With these resources gone we settle for evenings in front of the television too tired to plan anything . Dating your spouse may be an idea you have not considered for some time. In fact, it may be years.                              

First start with establishing some uninterrupted time. Make it a regular time once a week or every two weeks and put it on your calendar. Secondly get it in your budget. Make it reasonable and affordable and do not forget to add money for the babysitter. (If money is tight, swap babysitting with another couple. Chances are you know someone else who has given up dating and could use some help.)

Date nights will take some imagination and energy. May I suggest taking  turns planning your dates. Consider what you both enjoy but also have nights where you do things that you like. When you are not the planner determine to enjoy your spouses choice of date. You might surprised to learn something new about your partner.

When planning consider doing things that encourage discussion. Spectacular dates are not the goal. Instead intimacy and romance for a lifetime. Some couples have enjoyed playing scrabble and drinking  their favourite cocoa while others have splurged their money on a great book they both wanted and read it to each other in front of the fireplace. Still others have put their children to bed and enjoyed a fancy steak meal on the china from their own buffet.

Here are some dating guidelines:                                                                                                                                                                              

• Blackberrys are not allowed. If your job insists on answering 24/7 then put it on vibrate.
• Children and work are not to be discussed
• Shopping for groceries or running errands absolutely not allowed
• You must not criticize how money allotted for the night was spent or your spouses idea for your date
• Children, best friends, lonely souls nor in-laws are allowed to come along for the night.
• Not the time to discuss your finances or bring up your last fight.

Re-discover the intimacy you once shared and put the fun back in your marriage. Shared experiences will deepen your conversation and provide a new safety with the one you love.

Fight back and reclaim the romance that is yours! Establish date nights and enrich your marriage!

Love Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry*…I don’t think so!

It does not take too long into a relationship before someone gets hurts by an action or some words and an apology is in order. Now depending how he or she was raised often determines how the  person hurt handles it. Some  just stuff it while others charge in and speak their minds. More often we hear of couples who have been married for decades say they have never resolved a single issue because they have never been able to talk it through.

Over the years as coaches we have seen how couples have never learned to seek or grant forgiveness. Owning our words and actions makes all the difference when resolving differences. It can be quite freeing and have very positive results.  On the other hand, your spouse’s reaction might be very positive, or it may cause him/her to then feel free enough to tell you how much your words or actions hurt them. Hear themout. Do not match their hurt with anger and justification. Knowing their hurt will help us avoid repeating it.

Also take action if  restitution needs to be made. Assure your partner you will not do it again and ask for forgiveness.

When it is your turn to hear your spouse be quick to hear their heart and offer your forgiveness. Those who withhold forgiveness are as guilty as those who never own their actions. If your anger keeps you from resolving it quickly let your spouse know you need some time, but be determined to come to  place of resolve.

If you have an inabilty to get over anger quickly, seek out a professional. You may be living with too much stress or you may have an anger issue that needs attention. Either way take care of how you contribute to the health of your relationship. Your partner deserves the bests just as do you.

Also, once this is over, you may need to forgive yourself. Do it! Avoid carrying around guilt.

Loving your spouse means saying we’re sorry and having nothing between us that will affect the closeness of our relationship. Together decide that this will be a part of your relationship and enjoy the years ahead.

*”Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is a line from the novel and 1970 film Love Story starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal.

Fight from the Same Side: Ever noticed how easy it is to fight on the opposing side of an issue with your spouse and stay there? Being right. Being heard. Not budging becomes the goal…. not resolving the issue.

The longer we work with couples in this area of conflict resolution the more  we are encouraging couples to solve their problems from the same side. Link arms and work together. Two minds working together are far more powerful than one.

When life throws something at you decide to face the challenge together. What are your options? Write them down. Think outside the box. Some ideas might be ridiculous but still consider them.

The more often you practice working together the more satisfied you will become with your relationship. The happier you will be. You will impact the world around you by being a team.

I challenge you to think about this.

In fact, a problem is coming your way now. Make plans to succeed – get on the same side as your spouse!

Fighting Back! Reclaiming Your Marriage!  Series

Some things in life are worth fighting for….your marriage relationship is one of them!

As I have watched so many couples struggle either in the media or in real life I am struck with the need to write this series. Problems in marriage can come up daily. After all, who ever found that living with anybody was easy?! I even remember living with siblings could be difficult. Sometimes when we encounter problems with our partner or spouse, it may feel like it is easier to walk away….

More often it is not putting into place a crisis plan, dealing with the finances, understanding our partner or looking at conflict resolution.

Marriage requires work…hard work. And when you work hard you reap incredible benefits of journeying through life with one person who is committed to just you. Come along with me through this series.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Anne

It’s been said before, but I don’t think it’s cliché yet: we devote years to getting an education and then enter one of the biggest decisions of our lives with no preparation at all- Marriage!

I’m sure many couples feel they are so in love and know each other so well they don’t need any extra preparation. Then there’s the fear of getting trapped in a room where you might be put on the spot by the counsellor and feel totally awkward. Besides, why turn over your private life to some stranger- who says he/she knows anything?!?!

Enter Prepare and Enrich. Here is a scientific approach to finding out how a couple is doing in 12 key areas, as well as a personality assessment. This is accomplished by means of a 200+ question inventory that asks all about the individual and how they view various aspects of their relationship (done online). What comes back is a “map” of great detail and incredible accuracy (as many couples have attested) of their areas of strength and areas of growth.

Note it is not “weakness” but “growth”; neither the report nor the P&E coach presume to tell the couple whether or not they will succeed in their marriage- there is no “pass” or “fail” here. Rather, the map is a starting place to begin to teach specific tools to help the couple with their areas of growth, and celebrate the areas of strength. The process realistically assumes that all couples will have conflict and difficulties; it is not the so-called “perfectly matched” couples who will succeed but those who make their relationship a priority and work at it.

Don’t just plan a wedding, plan for a marriage!! (another cliché?) You’ve found the right person, now do the right thing for the two of you. Why just fall in a pot hole you could have known about ahead of time and fixed? Get real preparation for the conflicts that will inevitably come.

We are proud to be Prepare and Enrich coaches.

Check out what others are saying Weddinggirl.ca . The founder said this about ………

Choose the one that is right for the two of you. Try the couples test here.